Thursday, November 15, 2007

Cruise Rules

If you've ever been on a cruise (this was my 7th) you may develop some opinions about people, fitness and nutrition habits.
  • 3,100 people ate 35 metric tons of food in 7 days. *A metric ton is 2,204.6 lbs That means that each person ate approximately 24.89 lbs of food. Seems light considering the size of some of my fellow passengers. More isn't better...more is just more.
  • Bikinis/Speedos...we really need some rules here. Rule #1: If you have any "rolls" of skin = you don't get to wear one no matter if you are 16 or 65+. (We saw multiple women and men in those ages with 1-4 "rolls" in bikinis/speedos...eew. One piece for you gals and surfer shorts for the dudes or at least a cover up; nobody needs to see that. You are not sexy. Rule #2: Tops/bottoms should be large enough to cover your "goodie bits" in whole. Especially if you are breaking rule #1. I feel sick. This wasn't a huge issue (pun intended) but one gal I saw reminded me of the line from 6 Days, 7 Nights - "That's a swimsuit? Wow! I thought it was an eye patch!" Rule #3: Dudes with more than 7% body fat should not wear a Speedo at any age and regardless of if you are European or not. Rule #4: Belly button piercings are banned for anyone over the age of 35 and anyone breaking rule #1. Rule #5: Body piercings should be removed before heading to the pool/hot tub. I really don't need to see some 30-something dude's nipple piercing while he totes a Bud Light around "trolling". I just threw up in my mouth and I am not really interested in lunch now.
  • The Male and Female Chest- Men...if you have "them" some push ups, flies in the gym or wear your Hard Rock San Juan t-shirt at the pool. Women...yes, we can tell if you had surgery. The girls don't move much. Judging from this cruise...ladies, if you aren't "gifted" in the chest don't sweat it. Most of the gals had about 1" between the nipple and belly button. Am I painting a picture for you here? Again...eew.
  • Smoking...I don't get it. Never will. People die from smoke inhalation yet you smokers continue to pay for sticks of dried leaves and light them on fire and intentionally inhale the smoke. Here's a heads up; you smell like crap and this will kill you!
  • Sexy doesn't = looking like a cheap hooker (gals under 30). Some of the dresses we saw on "formal night" didn't leave us wondering much including personal grooming.
  • The Gym...I worked out "enough" on board. Let me tell you this...on my vacation especially. I don't care how much you can lift. It doesn't impress me. Do your set and get out. Stop admiring yourself in the mirror.
  • Just because you are on a cruise doesn't mean the world revolves around you. (Treat your fellow passengers, island shop owners and cruise staff with respect that you expect.) A simple 'thank you' or 'excuse me' is fine.

Maybe I'm getting old? I really did have a great time. It was just funny to see what people do when you get 3100 diverse folks on vacation.

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